The road so far

Taking care of yourself is so important, but often very much underestimated.

When I finally started living on my own, I suddenly had the freedom to choose what I ate all the time. And so, what did my young brain decide?

"Let's eat all the things that I actually like! Sandwiches are great, they take little effort to make, fill me up, taste nice. Why not have those for dinner?

Pizza is something I could rarely have before, so let's have that! And even better, at the supermarket it only costs a few euro, so I can have it as often as I like!

French fries, going to fast food restaurants, this is all now possible. Going there is more fun and easier than cooking. So let's go there! Whenever I want!"

This seemed to be working out well, for a long time.

Sure, I was gaining a few pounds, but I wasn't working out. I'll work out later, and it will be fine.

Sure, I had low energy all the time, and my sleep was terrible, but I had had that ever since I was a teen. It might be getting worse? But surely that has nothing to do with food.

Sure, I was getting stressed and sad more and more, but that was due to the seasons. Fall and winter always had that effect on me. And summers weren't that good anymore, so of course it happens more during summer now. Also, it is most likely due to my brain just being wired that way, I just get sad more often than others.

This went on for years. I came to a point where I had had a depression so long the doctor told me it technically should not be called a depression anymore. I started to really dislike my body, because beside the fact I barely had energy to move, I was now pushing 100kg. And then, on top of all that, I went through a breakup.

At this point, I finally took all the hints, and decided I needed to take care of myself. The first thing I did, immediately after the breakup, was go to New York. I had loved NY for as long as I can remember, and going there by myself was a big step in choosing myself.

I remember, taking the elevators up to Rockefeller center. I felt giddy, I was going to see this amazing city, that I had seen so many times on tv, from above. As I got to the top, I walked through the room and out onto the roof. Finding a spot where there were no people, which was of course really hard at such a tourist attraction, I could finally see it. The whole of Manhattan, laid out in front of me. With the beautiful Empire State building rising up out of it in front of me. I had actually done it, I had chosen to do something for myself, and now I was really here. This was the first time in years that I felt happiness.

That trip gave me just enough motivation to start an upward spiral. I started to look for ways to take care of myself in more areas. Mostly focusing on mental health, because I thought I first needed to be not sad, the weight and health will come later.

I managed to improve my mental health quite a bit, but I kept running into walls. Why can other people be happy most of the time, but is it only fleeting moments for me? It wasn't until I finally gave in and changed my diet, that this question was answered.

Everything is connected. Bad, unhealthy foods had been degrading my health. Of course that would be reflected in my mental well being! From the moment I started to eat more healthily, I finally started to feel good. And then great. From short moments of happiness, maybe half an hour here, an hour there, I now felt happy most of the time!

Which brings me to the photo on the right. Summer this year. Leaps and bounds happier and healthier than I have been, maybe since I was a small child. Finding joy in everything that I do. From eating healthy, to sometimes eating less healthy. My day job, still for the same company as so many years ago. My own new company, coaching other people. Going places, meeting fantastic new people. But also just sitting at home, reading or watching tv. Taking a walk outside. It is like I am in a completely different world than in 2014!

I wanted to take this moment, after what I can easily say has been the best year of my life so far, to contrast these two significant times in my life. Summer 2014, after the lowest I had ever been, and summer 2022, the highest I have ever been. It has been hard. It has been a long journey. I will never be "done", I will continue to have to grow and learn, to never get where I was then. But I am so grateful to 2014 Joey, for taking that first step. Not knowing where it would lead, or if it would even work. Thank you for finally taking care of yourself!